I think I’ve adjusted relatively easily to many of the differences in France but it’s one of the (seemingly) simple things of daily life that’s been driving me to distraction: walking down the sidewalk! I’m always (still) screwing this up.
Background: OK, in Paris, sidewalks are often narrow and crowded (it’s a big city after all). But that’s not the source of this problem, intercultural at its root (which is of course complicated by the tourists who know nothing of the local rules of sidewalk comportment)! But tourists aside, here's the challenge: I’m walking down the sidewalk, I see someone coming towards me on the same trajectory so I adjust my course, then I don’t see the other person change direction and so we always end up on a collision course. I struggled with this 3 years ago when I was in Paris for 6 weeks. Matt, from his experience in France, told me I just needed to set my course and stare at where I’m headed, and the other person would adjust. I tried but it was like playing chicken and I always bailed first, leading to near-collisions all the time.
Time has proved that Matt was right and I wasn’t supposed to change course though I couldn’t get the hang of this! It was driving me crazy and making me rant internally - not having mastered this I was always bumping or grazing people and it was driving me crazy (which for me was rude and an invasion of personal space)! I finally figured out that this was also linked to another cultural issue - eye contact. In France, you don't greet strangers in the street which means you don't greet with your eyes. It isn’t that you don’t look at people, it’s just that you don’t acknowledge them or greet them with your eyes – which is an invitation - and I didn’t understand the distinction!. One of the things that I failed to realize is that, when they see you see them, there’s an acknowledgement of the other’s trajectory on the sidewalk embedded in this but no greeting! So following Matt's counsel works as long as I continue to look, but not greet, the other person! (Matt, your mama does learn from you!) Much better finally.
Now there’s one other sidewalk issue – the locals will stop on a sidewalk to chat with friends, etc. and will spread out across the already narrow sidewalk (I’ve seen the same thing happen in corridors and in museums) and they really stake out that space. If you approach or try to pass they almost never move an inch to accommodate your passage – it’s as if they have no peripheral vision! Drives me crazy! But then I come from a country where there’s lots of space and where I move to accommodate others; ergo I ‘expect’ the same treatment and am frustrated when it doesn’t work that way, and it doesn’t work that way here in France or at least not very often in my experience. Is it because France is much more crowded than the US and folks stake out their territory? Is it a question of hierarchy where ceding ground would diminish your status? Don’t know – just observations of behavioral differences which make me think about my own behavior and (unspoken) expectations! Who knew?!
